Some self-explanation maybe....

Life is crazy, as I am, as you are… so unpredictable, so surprising, and so insane! 

You know, I had so many emotions for wrong people, for wrong reasons and I lied to myself so many times… I was living a life I thought was great, I made ideals and pretended, as stupid, on purpose pretended that people in my life are those ideals and that I truly, really loved….

I know I have the passion in me to love!!!! I am born to love; I never hide what I feel! And maybe that’s wrong! But I think it’s STUPID to hide and not show what you feel… That is the biggest absurd for me! If there is a feeling, there is a reason for that and why should I destroy it!!! And if a person will take advantage of that, it means he is not the right person and don’t deserve the feeling!  So what if I will be hurt million times in my life!!! Eventually there will be someone who truly deserves that shown feelings… Again, call me idealistic, I don’t mind….  My problem is…  Maybe I have meg imagination, or whatever it is,  I have always been wrong  in choosing people… I have always mistaken the person whom I gave it all…. I thought I loved that one… but I didn’t…  And there’s a deep emptiness now somewhere inside of me…  My feelings are exhausted, my soul is exhausted. I have given away too much “love” to wrong ones, for wrong purposes!!!! Eventually I have been the wrong one, hurt people, because, go figure, I thought it was love…  I am sorry….  May sound as a black humor… But, I was born 7 months old-I was in a hurry and now all my life I am in hurry, so impatient, so seeking love and so wanting to give it! So difficult, damn it all!  

And I am afraid I’ve lost the meaning… I’ve lost, destroyed my ability to dream, to feel, to understand....