Was staring at this blank document for a while, decided to start finally, but don’t know what I’m gonna write about….
Life is crazy, have officially accepted that statement… I am 19, just Anna and can’t sleep at almost 2 AM… recently have been thinking about the meaning…. The exact meaning… what for???
Recently I have been having unexplainably changeable moods, the reason for I can’t find. I do things, not even thinking why… I just do it, because the thought of it randomly crossed my mind….
I so want to make it different this time…. I hate the phrase this time! My life is a mess right now…. Everything changes, moves on, I stay and walk at one place…. I can’t find the pushing button for me to go…. I don’t like what’s going on right now, although I clearly realize that I can change the fucking situation, but I don’t do so…. I don’t like how things are, but I don’t change anything, knowing that I can… Maybe I am just lazy, or as I said, I can’t find the fucking “push” button!
I am not interested in many things, I was interested before, neither inspired, nor lots of things excite me anymore… And my fears…. Oh my god, how I am tired of my fears, how I am tired of ME being afraid and slave of my fears!!!!! I want to stop it, but I can’t! They are stronger! Almost every day I wake up “motivated”, “inspired”, ready for changes, ready to let go of my fears and be FREE!!!! But just primitive example…. Little, tiny, stupid example! I go to work I want to take that fucking elevator and I can’t force myself to get inside of it… And all my inspiration and firm decisions blow to hell! What can I achieve in life if I can’t even fight my fears from myself!
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